The sunlight shimmered on the soft bed of bright green
grass, it was a perfect day for a soccer game. My team was playing Brookfield,
the most aggressive team in our league. To be honest, I was a little nervous; I
had no idea which team was going to win. The center ref blew his whistle signaling
that the game was about to start. We took our positions on the field and waited
for the ref to blow his whistle again to signify that the game would begin.
Four hours later I started to
regain consciousness; my eyes fluttered open and searched around the room for a
familiar face. The lighting was harsh on my eyes and I could only see four
silhouettes hovering over me. Who were these people, I thought to myself. Do I
know them? The way they looked into my eyes made me assume that they knew me.
My eyes started adjusting to the
light and I realized that these people were none other than my mother, father,
brother, and sister.
“Everyone look! She’s awake,”
shouted my little brother.
“Hello sweetie,” my mother replied.
“How are you feeling?”
“Oh, that’s good! Now I know you’re
probably wondering why you’re here: you got a concussion, but just stay calm,
everything is under control.”
Out of confusion I questioned, “How
did I get a concussion?”
My mother replied softly, “You were
playing soccer and a girl shoved you to the ground and you hit your head. It
was an accident, but you blacked out and we had to have an ambulance take you
to the hospital. Don't you remember?”
Could this really be, I thought to myself. Did I get a concussion? I didn't remember anything except my head hurting and blacking out. I tried to make sense of all of it but I just couldn't remember anything.
“All I remember is hitting my head but anyways did we win the game?” I asked with a big toothy grin on my face.
She laughed and said “Yes sweetie,
you did.”
Cool story(; lol. Anyway, you're a very voice kind of writer. When I read your pieces I can always hear your voice coming through the piece. I would say one thing you might wanna work on is comma usage and maybe some higher vocabulary, but other wise it's all really good. Fantastic job Maddie! (:
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